


Always Here

by Frangipanidownunder



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:51:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14401578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frangipanidownunder/pseuds/Frangipanidownunder
Summary: Prompt: Would you ever think about writing a story where Scully is afraid to ask Mulder to be her sperm donor so she doesn't ask and Mulder freaks out thinking about someone else being the father? It would be cute if Mulder listed off all the reasons why he would be the best choice and tries to convince her to pick him





	Always Here

There it was. A bomb dropped in the most delicate Scully way. She stood up, gathered her jacket and briefcase, placed a hand on his shoulder and said, “I’m leaving a little early today, Mulder.”

“Are you okay, Scully?” It was his default question for times like these. Days that didn’t end with them discussing the latest case, complaining while filling out forms, walking to the car park together.

“I’m fine. I’ve got an appointment.”

He looked up at her, relieved to see she wasn’t tense. She seemed almost…excited. “Are you booking a cruise or something?”

“Or something, Mulder.” She hesitated, then offered up a small smile. “I’ve decided to try for a baby. It’s something I’ve been thinking about since…well, for a while now. I’ve got an appointment with my doctor to discuss options.”

There was a strange delay between her words leaving her mouth and his brain receiving the message. Of all the things he could have imagined her saying, none of the scenarios included the words ‘a baby’. He could feel his lips purse, drawing in his shock. He couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

She humoured him a while longer, then touched his arm. “It’s okay, Mulder. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about it. I mean,” she ran her tongue over her lips and looked away, “it’s something that will impact both of us. I’m sorry.”

Two apologies in one sentence. Guilt numbed his limbs and all he could think to do was stand up and embrace her. She stiffened a touch but then sank into him. “You don’t have to apologise for following your heart, Scully.” 

They stayed like that for a little longer than was perhaps customary. But he couldn’t let her go and she didn’t seem to mind. For an absurd second he imagined the time when he wouldn’t be able to feel her against him like this, when the baby bump would literally come between them. He couldn’t stop the grim chuckle.

“What?” she asked, pulling back. “Why are you laughing?”

Now he felt bad for making her feel bad. He massaged her shoulders. “No, Scully. I’m not laughing. I’m just, I’m happy for you. It’s good news. Great news.”

She worked quietly and efficiently, attending autopsies, requesting samples, running trace evidence. In essence, she remained the same Scully. It was he who was changing. He who saw things that weren’t there, who heard words that hadn’t been spoken, who conjured up worst-case scenarios where she didn’t survive the pregnancy, or she fell in love with someone from the clinic, or she moved to Wyoming to live with her infant in peace and harmony.

He brought her a coffee and watched her work, wondering at the precision of her hand, the sharpness of her brain, the steeliness of her resolve.

“You’re hovering again, Mulder. Isn’t there some evidence to collect? Some lead to follow up? Some diner serving sweet potato pie?”

He wondered when she’d gotten so much like him. “I had three slices already. Did you want one?”

Her grin was like a light in the room. “What’s the matter, Mulder? You’ve been like this for weeks.”

“Like what?”

“Clinging, needy,” she said, putting down the scalpel.

“You’re only seeing my worst side, Scully. I have many positives.”

She turned to him. “I know that. You’re the most passionate, intelligent, driven and empathetic person I’ve ever met. You let me work by your side as an equal. You’ve never made me feel like I shouldn’t be here, like I’m somehow less. Working with you has shown me how the rules we live by often constrain us, how the edges of life often contain the most real things.”

“I sense a but coming…” He tensed for her delivery of bad news. She was going to tell him she’d found a donor. How she’d pored over lists, sorted through the positive attributes and weighed and measured them. He saw the top three words: stable, stable, stable. He flicked through his mental Rolodex of likely candidates. Had she worked with someone before that would provide what she needed? Had she met someone at the gym whose physique matched his reliability? Had she joined some online forum where prospective donors answered all the important questions like a dating service?

Scully looked up at him. Her eyes were wet. He’d made her cry. He’d put her under such pressure at an already difficult time in her life that she was becoming emotional in her sanctuary. He felt like a shit. The tear tracked down her face and he dug in his pocket for a handkerchief. She let him dry it, holding her bloodied hands stiff by her side. What if she was already pregnant? The early days could be a challenging combination of hormonal highs and blood sugar lows, and here he was jostling for compliments, being an ass.

“Thank you,” she said, sniffing and righting herself. “You are also a gentleman, Mulder.” Her lips twitched into a brief smile. “I’m feeling a little strange, sorry.”

“Scully, are you…?”

“No, Mulder. No. It won’t happen that fast,” she shook her head. “It could take months, and it might not happen at all. Besides, I haven’t even chosen a…”

“I’m aware of the success rates of full-term pregnancies. It’s a miracle anybody is born at all when you look at the statistics.” He dipped his head to encourage a smile from her and he was rewarded.

“Life is indeed a miracle,” she said. “And my chances are slim. I’m aware of that. You know that too, after what happened to me, my…”

A slice of guilt cut through him. She’d been looking for sperm donors for her perhaps never-to-be miracle child because of him. And he’d been entertaining the thought of being high on that list. What kind of a gentleman did that? How had she even thought to confide in him? Why hadn’t she just left him to sink further into the quagmire of his own festering mistakes? He took a moment to steady himself and when he met her eye she was looking expectantly at him.

“I know something about chasing improbable dreams, Scully. But you just do it, don’t you? Because you need to. Because it’s the thing that keeps you running, keeps your heart beating, keeps you waking up every day. I get it. I hope you can make the decision you need to. And when you do, I know you’ll get it right. I just want you to know that I’m here, whatever happens, I’m here.”

Turning to pick up the scalpel again, her shoulders tensed, she breathed out sharply. To him, it felt like she’d made a decision. And it felt like he’d been given permission to breathe again. She would never choose him. She should never choose him. What kind of a child would they create? What kind of a life would their offspring live? It would, perhaps, be too cruel a burden to bear.

“I’ve got to finish this autopsy. But can I come round later?”

He looked up. “Any time, Scully. Any time.”


End file.
